Stopping Our Denial of Death

 Today morning, I felt called to use the Dark Goddess Tarot app for my morning card pull. And I received Goddess Hel - the Norse and Germanic goddess of death, sickness and putrefaction.

She’s a goddess who’s appearance other deities found so abhorrent, that they dispatched her to a secluded place where no one but her would preside.

If you thought Hel was upset by the turn of such events, think again. She embraced her new role as Goddess to those who died in sickness, accidents and at birth. She was the saviour - no, the mother - of all those who’s death had been considered inglorious.

If you look at Hel, the first thing you notice is her face - half of it is alive and bright, while the other is dead and rotting.

At her core, Hel represents both life’s duality and also the yin-yang within us. She represents our potential for goodness, and also our potential for evil. Ultimately, Hel is the goddess who makes us see who we really are at our core. And she doesn’t judge us for it. But, she forces us confront our own beauty and blemishes; just as she makes us look upon hers.

When I pulled my cards for the evening, I was really driven to pull multiple cards - a rarity these days for me. But, the cards I pulled - although they didn’t make sense individually - were gasp-inducing when combined.

One after another, I pulled Denial, Two of crystals and Darkness. Suddenly, I was struck by the synchronicity of my morning card pull.

Here was Hel, calling to me again. Making me see. Making me listen to what she had to say. The denial card represented my own initial denial about talking about death. The two of crystals reminded me of the transient nature of material things. It also happened to be the same card that Hel represented in the Dark Goddess tarot app. And darkness beckoned to me, telling me that not everything outside the light, is bad.

It’s different, sure, but not bad.

This hasn’t been the first time such a message has come to me. I think, for the past few days, this message of confronting the duality of life, has been resonating loudly for me. Ever since I started listening to “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes”, a book about death and the funeral industry, most of my readings have been about these immense and vital stages of life.

As I worked my way through this book, I realised how I too held so many superstitions about death and was in denial about my own mortality.

A book on that subject and the universe relentlessly sending me messages about my need to address this denial, coupled with a message from the Gods themselves - well, I’d say its time for me to take a very close look at life, death and everything in between.

After I pulled these three cards, I was drawn to pulling one more card and I received - Transform with Raven.

Ravens have been universal symbols of death, the ancestors and the underworld. In India, the absence of ravens has given crows the same symbolism and responsibilities.

To me, this card represents the pressing need for me to reframe how I view life and death. To embrace the deities of death and the dying, to learn from them what I must.

For it isn’t just Hel who reached out to me. I’ve been reading the critical edition of the Hindu epic, Mahabharata. And for many weeks now, the Hindu God of Death, Yama, has been coming into my thoughts at random moments. Its possible because Yama also governs Dharma - the complex Hindu principle that deals with how one should live.

When I received Hel in my reading today, I was also reminded of the Hindu tantric goddess Dhumavati - she is fearsome and resplendent in her old greyish, aged form.

She lives in the cremation grounds, governing the dead and guess what her Vimana (divine animal transport) is - the crow.

Her coming into my thoughts is another sign that I must learn more about this mysterious and taboo part of life. I’ve already got with me a few books about this topic. And for sometime now, I was even considering studying the concept of what it means to be a Death Doula - the people who make our passage to the other side of the veil easier.

As my spiritual journey takes such new forms, I am filled with wonder and excitement about the possibilities and limitless learning that I have before me.

For now, I worship at the dual altar of life and death and work my way towards being more accepting of every part of my existence and eventual non-existence.

-Nisha Prakash